Live. · Laugh. · Love.

Chris and I are back together. I missed him quite terribley, even if I was putting up a front and trying to forget about him. It was nice to have a break and explore the single world. However, it's much nicer having someone to call your own. He's been doing well this past week. He calls, texts, even came up this weekend. He's doing things that shows he cares. That's all that I wanted. I've also been giving him his space. You know, not calling/texting/bitching all the time. Being single for that month made me realize that I'm happy by myself. I can handle things on my own. So I don't feel so dependant on Chris like I used to. I think the break up made us both realize a few things and I'm happy we're back together and can make things work.

Hopefully if all goes well, I'll be able to graduate from CNM at the end of the Summer 2010. Then hopefully, I'll be accepted to NMHU and will finish my bachelors of social work.

Still stuck at Best Buy but I'm grateful that I have a job. One that is flexible with my school schedule and one that pays decently.

Mother and I are on good terms currently, so that's good.

I think Bella ate something bad because she .. yeah, just not pretty.

Well, that's all for now. Hope everyone is doing well. :)

I would very much like to jump off a cliff right now.

There won't be any tears
That's not why I'm here.
Baby, turn out the lights and lets disappear.
One Last Time...
One Last Time..

I'm not here to fight
About who's wrong or right
I just want your kiss
I wanna feel just like this
One Last Time...
One Last Time...

Your breath on my neck
I dont wanna forget the smell of your skin.
Touch me again.
One Last Time...

Cause I'm not here to fight
About who's wrong or right
I just want your kiss
I want to feel just like this.
One Last Time...
One Last Time...

And then when you fall asleep
I'll kiss your cheek
Whisper goodnight
I'll just leave
One Last Time.

Got sent home early (again) so now I have some time to myself.

Had a fun night last night at the costume party. I went as Tinkerbell. Esty was a terrorist (hahaha), Isaac was a pirate, and my good friend Ashley was the Cheshire Cat. All in all, it was a good party. We played a couple drinking games. Uno, Kings (my personal favorite!) and then just chilled. I was pretty intoxicated. Made it home safe and sound. Then, made a giant mistake of drunk dialing someone. But over all, it was a good night.

I got my hair done today :) I got my roots done and got some bangs.

It's stressful at work because they are cutting hours left and right. They're trying to save money for closer to the holiday season. I didn't expect to get sent home early tonight, so I don't have anything to do but relax :)

Smoked some hookah with Esty and just talked about everything. Then went and saw Paranormal Activity with Isaac. Haha...It was an entertaining movie. Not really scary, more like jumpy and WTF-ish. I don't see what all the hype was about. I thought The Ring was scarier.

Today was overall a good day. It snowed!!! I was sitting in my math class, dozing off, and I glance out the window and BAM! it looked like a blizzard! The whole class got excited. The teacher got a little happy too. We got out a little early and I went to a friends house and hung out till I had to go to Astro. I don't know anything about Astronomy, yet I still do well on the tests and homework. It's all about memorizing the sample questions and answers. :) I'm good at that. Numbers and equations and all that crap, not so good at memorizing. I got a 30% on my last math exam. I started talking to this kid next to me and he's going to help me study. I'll also go to tutoring more, too. I really have to do good this semester. I'm doing great in Comm. and Astronomy. Even sociology I'm doing okay in. And my astro lab! But math is bringing me down. I hope I pass it. It's the last math class that I have to take. I feel so close yet so far away.

Janice is going to try to get pre-approved for a loan to buy a house. I told her about my issue with my mother. She's going to try to find a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house. I will help her with the bills and the mortgage(Sp?). She's also wanting a backyard, so it'll be perfect with Bella. It'll be scary moving out on my own. Technically, not on my own, but away from my mom. I'm so close to paying off my car!! So close, yet so far...

I'm kind of scared because this time next year will be like the begining of my adult life. I'll (hopefully) be going to NMHU and living on my own. It's scary how fast I grew up. I used to say to my mom all the time, "I can't wait till I turn 18, cause I'm moving out!" HA! I don't wanna leave the nest yet. I may dislike my mom, but shit. It's nice having a house to come home to and not have to pay rent. Yeah, I pay for everything else. But it's still nice to know I have somewhere to call home.

I have so much on my mind. I can't wait until tomorrow night because I'm going to a party with Ben, Isaac and Esty at Ben's old bosses house. It's a costume party and I'm dresssing up as Tinkerbell :) Too bad my hair appointment isn't until Saturday, but oh well. I have to figure out how to do my hair and make up. I went to the mall and Hobby Lobby last night and got some green flip flops and some white puffy feather things and made Tinkerbell shoes. I also bought some wicked green eye shadow from Hot Topic and some white fishnet stockings (lol). I also bought some glitter for "hair and body" so I'll be all sparkley and...fairy-ish haha yay

I love Halloween but hate it at the same time. It's a rough time for my mom being Jenny's birthday and all. She didn't let me go out on my own for Halloween until I was 15ish and I got to go trick or treating with Ashley HT until 930. Haha but now she has no control, but I'll still respect her wishes on Halloween. I owe her that much. I wish I had been able to meet Jenny. It'd be nice to have an older sister to help me through all of this. Big brothers aren't very helpful with matters of the heart.

Current Mood:

confused

Apparently, I have to find a place soon. She didn't tell me when. She's bluffing. But it still sucks. I don't like being yelled at. She's a fat, dick sucking cunt. I hate living with her but she has me trapped with my car payment. Sigh.

On a brighter note, I got a new sweatshirt and some stuff for my tinkerbell costume :) And I saw someone awesome today, too. That's what really made my day.

And you smoking pot over the summer? What else were you lying about? How could I ever trust you? You never did anything to help build my trust. All you did was give me reasons not to trust you. That 'camping trip' with Wayne, that camping trip with your family, that night you told me to come over but you went over to Waynes instead. And, of course, her. Back in March is when I first started to lose my faith in you. When my mom was in the hospital, and I really needed you. You weren't there for me. You didn't give half a shit about me. And you spent all that time with her and your other friends. I'm sure you had many fun drunken nights with all of them. But you couldn't even bother to pick up your phone or even look at your phone. You hurt me. And now you're upset because I'm finally trying to move on? I'm sorry, but you're the one who put an end to this relationship.

I was watching my friend/co-workers dogs for the past week because she was on vacation with her family in California. It wasn't hard to do or out of my way or anything. But...She paid me $200!!! I wasn't expecting ANYTHING because I was just doing her a favor!!! And she got me this cute dolphin snow globe from Sea World! :) She's such a great person. I really didn't mind watching her two dogs; they were really sweet.

That really made my day. I'm so grateful for the money.

It's going to cost over $700 for me to get my wisdom teeth out, which sucks a lot. But it needs to happen. And getting my brakes done with be another $100-150 (I think). And if that's not what's making the squeeky noise in my car, then I don't even know how much it would be to get that fixed. I'm going to do my brakes, then if the noise continues, I will have to take it in or ask my neighbor (Chris, who screwed me over before with fixing my car) to look at it. Hopefully it's nothing serious. I also need to take my car in for an oil change here in the next few hundred miles. I also need a carwash haha and need to clean the inside. But today is my day to do some chores around the house, and I may start to clean my car. It's not dirty, it just needs a good wipe down.

I am so happy right now, words can barely describe it. I'm so blessed to have the people in my life that I do have. They are amazing and make me feel like I am not alone. Which is the best feeling, a feeling of security and friendship. :)

Oh. And I only owe $1,301.95 on my car now :) YES!

Current Mood:

grateful

I don't know exactly what I'm feeling right now. It's strange. I'm still kind of numb.

I'm also very tired. This new medication is supposed to help me sleep, and it does for the most part. But it makes me tired through out the day. Maybe I will get used to it. I haven't gotten a headache since I started them, so that's a good sign that they are working.

I have to go in to work at 8 AM because of  stupid meeting. I'm debating on whether or not I should get a coffee from Starbucks or not. I suppose I'll be pretty useless without a little caffiene. But the doctor said I should have less caffiene. I haven't been drinking that much coffee lately anyway. And I kind of need a pick me up. This past week was kind of a rough one.

Thursday I had two midterms. The Astronomy one I was ready for. The math....I know I failed. But I'm going to go to the tutor place at school after every math class and get some help. I can't afford to fail, litterally. I can't afford it. I wouldn't be able to go to school in the spring if I lost my financial aid.

I'm doing pretty good. Minus the math class and the tired-ness. I'm happy, still. And I haven't thought about him all that much. There's really no need. It doesn't even make me sad at all when I do think about him. Because I know that he's not worth my time. I need to find people that won't lie to me, that won't use me, that will be there just because they like who I am as a person. I hate being used. And that's how I felt when it ended. I still feel that way, though.

I don't really know what else to write. I've got so much built up but I can't seem to let it all out. I guess I'll just save all of that for a private post.

 

Wish me luck on my exam tomorrow. And my other exams thursdays. Very stressful =\ I know i can do it!

I want to go back to sleep but I can't. Good thing I'm going to the doctor soon. Six hours, to be exact. My throat is starting to hurt again and my nose is running. Time to pop another benadryl.